Arsenal News

Text of Billy The Dog’s interview with Ino Nothing on BBC Radio 5 previewing the Big Match.
Preliminaires
Sunderland is a small village to the north of Hatfield (actually one geography book has it north of Bradford but I don’t think that is possible).   The village was invaded by the Vikings in 1227 (just before lunch) [...]

I have been interested of late at the way the Anti-Arsenal brigade has been developing its tactics.
In the olden days (ie last year) they would mostly spend their time saying that our players were all leaving just like Flamini and Hleb before them.  Cesc was going to Barca and the world would end.
Now the reason [...]

Today’s game is in the FA Cup, or Facup as it is known in the Latin tongue which still dominates the region where Stoke play.   As with all nouns in Latin the word “facup” can be conjugated and it is vital to be able to do this properly if wishing to discourse with the locals [...]

Special advanced notice: although much of the commentary consists of mindless gibberish there is a bit of serious stuff part way through, which is all true.  You have to guess which bit it is.
Part the First: The Evil Empire
Bolton Wanderers, known as Notlob, make the Evil Empire look like a troupe of ballet dancers performing [...]

Billy the Dog was not quite in the best of moods or the finest of fettle when I met him on the allotment to discuss the game against the almighty Notlob in the Land of the Fabled Beast.
I started by asking the question everyone asks, “Is there life in Bolton?”
“It doesn’t really matter,” he replied [...]

Well, hi-de-diddley-do there.  Phil’s doing exams, so I’m doing the predictions and stuff.   Right, of we go…
High-flying Everton travel to the Emirates aiming to continue their fantastic run in the league.  (How am I doing so far?)
The Gunners dropped out of the title race when they slumped to a 3-0 home defeat to leaders Chelsea [...]

Warning: contains dead bodies, mild peril, partial nudity, swearing, irony  and occasional violence.
“West Ham are in dire straits,” said Billy the Dog, as I approached the allotment and offered him a pint of sweet sherry.  “That Mark Knoffler has lost it, the new glacier tax is hitting them hard, and their bid to host the [...]

By Billy the Dog McGraw, Enfield Allotments, Middlesex.
I have rarely seen my old mate Tony Attwood as close to tears as he was when he approached me this morning on the allotment.  I was just nattering to that Dennis Bergkamp who grows carrots next to my plot, when Tony rushed up.
“They’re all arguing with each [...]

In a tearful and emotional statement, Billy The Dog McGraw, landlord of the Toppled Bollard, just off Gillespie Road, today denied that he had had any close or passionate relationship with golf master Tiger Woods.
“It is stupid to suggest I could do such a thing,” said Billy over a pint of vodka.  “Do I look [...]

It was a very subdued Billy the Dog McGraw at the Toppled Bollard public house today as we gathered just beyond our old spiritual home, deliberately drinking in the street, just to annoy the police.
The news had come through about Rob VP, another martyr to the insane stupidity of the international friendly.
I debated who was [...]

Walter Broeckx and Tony Attwood meet László Bölöni

Most visiting teams playing at the Ems tend to stay at the Toppled Bollard (also known as the Auld Triangle) in Islington, and so it was natural that this week Walter, our Belgium correspondent and I (UNTOLD’s resident loonie) went to meet Transylvanian László Bölöni, manager of Royal Standard [...]

By Billy the Dog McGraw
Landlord, The Toppled Bollard, Islington
As usual for a Friday I trotted off to the allotments on Hackney Marshes where I bumped into Dennis Bergkamp who was bemoaning the state of his turnips.
“But what about that Terry Enry?” I enquired, ingloriously.
“But what about my turnips?” said Dennis, and I think we decided  [...]

With our regular pre-match pundit being asked (bizarrely) to write an essay by his university (something that never happened when I was a student) we turn this week to Billy “The Dog” McGraw, landlord of the Toppled Bollard, St Thomas’ Rd, for a run down on the match against the London Street Atlas, or A [...]

15 October 2009
“‘If people are stupid enough to shout abuse when I go back [to Portsmouth] they need their heads looking at.”
16 October 2009
“I know some idiots will try to have a go.”

17 October 2009,
The Sun: “Harry Redknapp has let rip on the eve of his explosive return to Fratton Park. ‘The phone [...]

Billy “The Dog” McGraw speaks exclusively to Untold Arsenal ahead of the vital match against the Tiny Totts.
I tell you something, we ain’t got a fucking chance, darling.  The defence is so over the place we could let in six.  Just make it a pint Vice-Chancellor.
Call themselves defenders, they spend half their time in the [...]

Henri Lansbury – what a player in the making.  If for no reason other than to see the midfielder play for Watford you tuned into Sky last night you would have seen him score a terrific goal.  A pass, the perfect positioning for a return,  heads for goal, a player on either side of him [...]

Black, blackest blackness, Blackburn Rovers, your worst nightmare, the antithesis of football.
Black Blackburn, the embodiment of all darkness and evil, the beelzebub of football, the yawning heights of the oblivion into which we fall at the end of time, when time itself winds down, to leave an eternity of rotational fouling and an infinity of [...]

It is interesting that few if any of our so-called journalists are doing a compare and contrast job on Arsenal’s wealth and the abject poverty of football clubs like Liverpool and Manchester U.
It is as if saving money, planning, and making money legitimately (rather than through usury) is now bad news in the UK.
Arsenal’s turnover [...]

And so it is Fulham who come under the spotlight of  “All Tomorrow’s Parties” – the historic (not to say hysterical) analysis of future events named after a Velvet Underground hit.  (Exciting isn’t it?)
Fulham: who last season caused all the posts of, “This is exactly what I feared would happen” from the people who [...]

This is it: the big one for the little one’s. Or “le grand un pour les petits” as they don’t say in foreign parts.
Who can ever forget one year ago?
There was the memory of the fact that our little guys (with one or two biggies) had a year before smashed Liverpool at their downtrodden home [...]

If you have not come across “Talk like a pirate day” before, or indeed if you are not resident in England, it may come as a bit of a shock that there is such a thing.
But there is, and it has been around for about 10 years – go to http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html if you don’t believe [...]

Disgusting, disgraceful, appalling, shameful: I speak of course of the coverage on Sky Sports last night.
There was a moment of amusement before the game when Redknapp-the-Younger started to talk about why UEFA was so biased (in this case against English clubs) and the chairbeing nearly fell off his chair, chuffling like a steam train, grinning [...]

As usual Phil has done an excellent, well-researched piece which tells us all we need to know (see last post if you haven’t read it – you really can’t watch the match without it).
Which naturally allows me a chance to do my usual jink around the fringes of reality and consider the delicate matter of [...]

ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES: Arsenal results before the game starts.
So, where were we?
Everyone’s been off being kicked for their country during Cripplegate Week, and everyone is injured, so we are putting out the under 11s for this fixture.
Arshavin’s out, Cesc is probably out, my cat’s out (but that’s a cat-flap issue) and Theo is hiding under [...]

Last year was, according to the muddleheaded, the year of going backwards.  We entered league match number 3 with and win and a defeat, plus a comfortable saunter into the Bent Cup (as I’m now forced to rename the Champs League).
Match three was Arsenal 3 Newcastle Zebras 0.
Line up was
Almunia
Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Clichy
Eboue (Walcott), [...]